A gentle spirit

Another First. And a very delightful one at that.

Just finished reading a short story titled ‘A gentle spirit’ by Fyodor Dostoevsky (the first I’ve ever read by him).

I was delighted and moved would probably be an understatement.

It’s a beautiful story, albeit a tragic one, of an owner of a pawn shop. He marries a girl out of pity for her as she is very poor and tortured. But somehow after the marriage, he displays very little affection towards her out of his pride for having done a favour to her. The girl, who is beautiful and is described as a gentle spirit by nature, slowly grows independent and rebellious and tries embarrassing him as a punishment for how he treats her. These plans are foiled by the man but she is forgiven for he, as he realizes gradually, truly loves her. But the silence between them has grown too huge and opaque to allow any of them to show the emotions and respect they have for each other. All the ‘coldness’ that had existed between them has estranged them from each other.

Until one day, the emotions are too much for the man and he just rushes to her and breaks the silence by confessing his love for her. While he overlooks the symptoms of irrecoverable damage, she is unable to look beyond the years of solitude she has been subjected to because of his pride. The turning point of the story is when he is at her feet begging for her love, she says to him, “I though you would let me go on like that”. She grows delirious, confused thanks to the torturous burgeoning past and sudden rush of the present. He realizes the mistakes he has made, and also realizes that irreparable damage which he is still willing to correct nevertheless. He realizes that he truly loves her. The next day, the girl prays to god for the hope she’s been shown to her by the man. She stands facing the window, smiles at the past and the prospects, and then jumps. The man is condemned to live his life in the shadow of the girl’s death. The girl he loved so much.

Obviously the synopsis I have given is a very miniscule representation of the rollercoaster of emotions and events in the book. For me the story emphasis a very special aspect about ‘love’ and I’d like to offer a few pennies for my own thoughts here. It makes the case stronger for me that ‘love’ is not a noun but a verb. Most times ‘love’ is treated as a noun, something which is acquired, possessed, and sometimes lost. I don’t think so.

While I do not refute the chemistry and bonds and attraction that are created between two people and cannot be helped, but I believe that love is something more enduring that that. For me, when you love someone that means that you take a proactive stand to appreciate them and stand by them. It is not, therefore, an involuntary action when you stop loving someone. It is a very conscious and voluntary response when you decide to not endure the various aspects that are brought upon by being in a relationship and living with someone.

That’s probably the reason why a lot of couples actually stay together for long periods (and throughout their lives even) because they choose to love rather than be in love.

"Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience"- Samuel Johnson